A few things before I begin- I changed the format of the blog. For some reason, the other format made it difficult to leave comments in the correct place. I was getting most of my comments in the “About” section. This layout makes the comment area for each blog easier to find. Also I have changed my name from “admin” to “The Editor.” Why? Because I like it. That’s it, no real reason. It is still me. I will be having guest writers from time to time, but I will be the only editor.
I was asked by grrb to write about how my feelings toward my current situation. I guess that’s fair. I’ll start by telling the story from the very beginning, then get into the feeling part. Most of you will be shocked to know, but I found out that I was sick when I was 15. I remember exactly when it happened. It was a friday. Laurie Dannenmuelller (sorry if I spelled your name wrong, I suck at life.) gave me a ride home. I was very excited as I was going to visit my cousin in Chicago for the weekend. I didn’t tell my parents that I was sick because I didn’t want them to cancel my trip. Big mistake. I got to Chicago and all I could do was sleep. My Aunt called my parents when I physically couldn’t get out of bed on Saturday. They flew in that afternoon, we rented a car, and drove immediately to Children’s hospital in St. Louis. At the hospital, after 5 days of cruel and unusual punishment, or “tests,” the doctors had a diagnosis. Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. My reaction was relief. Up to this point in my life, there was no illness that couldn’t be cured. I thought they would just give me meds, I’d be cured, and I’d be on my merry way. Then Sonal came to visit. Sonal and I have been friends since I was 8 and she was 7. She took two steps into the room and immediately began bawling. I said, “Sonal, it looks worse than it is, they know what I have and they’re going to fix it.” She, in between sobs, told me, “No its not going to be okay.” I still didn’t believe it. I thought she was just over reacting. After Sonal left, the nurse came in and told me what meds I would be on, complete with a visual guide of the “changes” I would experience. Prednisone. A corticosteroid. It was going to make me fat and irritable. Then Cytoxan chemotherapy because the Lupus was attacking my kidneys. As soon as my vanity was threatened, it sank in. Oh. My. God. I was going to have to go back to HIGH SCHOOL fat and ugly. This truly was the end of the world. I stared in the mirror for hours trying to memorize exactly what I looked like so that when I was fat and had no hair, I’d remember that I used look like this. The last two years of high school passed and I wrapped up chemo after my first semester in college. I was in a complete remission.
To be continued…
So Irishmaggie. Let’s begin my journey into Catholicism with this:
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
Amen.
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